i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
