walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
