oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
