I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
