TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
