youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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