no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
