I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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