Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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