i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
