On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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