dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
