Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I love you.
Bad choice
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