I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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