I will die if light touches me.
I puked a lego.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i love accidental penises.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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