This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i now understand why vodka
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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