things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
