weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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