$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
