I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Houston, we have a blender
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
