did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
