i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
