It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this boner is exhausting
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
