I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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