I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
