what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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