I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
