forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
