I'm gonna have a badass scar
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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