Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize