Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
