Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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