ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize