how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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