So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
