Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
