just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
