So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
