My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
