do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
