Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
