Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
