Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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