Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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