I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
