We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
