a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
