I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How does it feel to date your dad?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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