Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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