Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
