Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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