I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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