He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
